The text is from a Mary Oliver poem titled Mockingbirds. I read it a few years ago and this section, the last three stanzas, compelled me to bookmark it for later review. The words seemed to me to embody a level of freedom and acceptance I’d never felt. But I knew that I would feel it someday and, when that someday came, I wanted to read the poem again and rejoice that these words had gone from foreign to familiar:
But then my someday arrived and the poem was gone. I didn’t remember the title. I didn’t remember anything about it except that Mary Oliver wrote it and that the last lines said something about opening windows or doors. Not a lot to go on.
I searched and searched and dug through over half of her published work and then, empty-handed and frustrated, I went to a poetry forum and asked if anyone there might know the poem. No one could identify it based on my pitifully meager information but when I included the now broken link where it once appeared someone found it immediately by accessing the site on archive.org. Simple. Simple for them, I should say, because I didn’t know about archive.org at the time.
And I guess I think that’s how it should be – if we want to know something and are willing to put in the effort to find out, we really ought to be able to learn. I didn’t know the title of that poem. But thanks to the knowledge of someone more internet savvy than I am, I do now. Which means I can also find out which collection(s) it’s in. Then I can go to my local used bookstore and buy a copy. I think that’s pretty great.
What I don’t think is pretty great is wanting desperately to learn more about something, searching and searching, and finding only the same, tired crap over and over and over again. I also don’t think it’s pretty great that the people who identify themselves as the professionals – people, in other words, who ought to be able to teach us what we want to know – by and large discourage reading more, learning more and when pressed, don’t seem to have much in the way of information to offer anyway. But that pretty much sums up my experience with Dissociative Identity Disorder. And I don’t believe that’s just me.
So as long as I can do it without hurting myself, I intend to continue to share whatever information about DID or related to DID that has been helpful to me, as well as point out the attitudes, beliefs, etc. that have been particularly unhelpful to me. I figure if I write the articles I would have wanted to read when I was first diagnosed, I might not make the lack-of-accessible-information-about-DID situation better, but I can’t possibly make it worse.
Mockingbirds appears in White Pine: Poems and Prose Poems.
Have you heard of tapping for energy for people with DID? Ndapollo@comcast.net Nancyd
Yes. Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) was developed by a guy named Gary Craig, who calls himself an energy healer. EFT is based on Dr. Roger Callahan’s Thought Field Therapy (TFT). At this time, and based solely on my own research and experiences, I am not convinced that either one of these therapies is anything more than a sham.
I have recently just come across your blog in my search for so support recently due to the stage of treatment I am in. I agree, the information out there is abysmal. I can’t even find anything out there about the stage I am in. Let me first explain the stage I am in and then I will talk a bit about what helped me to get there and how my therapist guided me.
I am not “integrated” or whatever it is called -nor does my therapist push for that (as other therapists have). She has told me that it really is up to me and my others (I hate the word alters) to decide if we want to do that or not. The stage I am in is one in which we collaborate with each other, are getting better at compromising, talk fairly often, try to have ‘family’ meetings weekly, and I rarely switch anymore as they have come to trust me more to deal with everyday life, my feelings, being able to protect myself, etc. Plus, it greatly helps that we can fuse together so that they can help me without taking over, be there with me to teach me how to do certain things (such as cook, parallel park, organize paperwork, etc.). They too are tired of doing these things for me and sometimes point blank refuse to help me.
So, how did I finally get to someone who could guide me on this journey. Let me point out, I said guide, not treat. I actually don’t know how I got into treatment as for the first year or year and a half, I was not the one going. I think I have been in treatment for 7-8 years now with the same therapist. Sometimes just weekly and sometimes 2-3 times a week with phone calls in-between. So, what did she do that was different? First, she actually tailored treatment to me and the others. This is not encouraged in the US as they are moving heavily to an “evidenced based practices” system. Second, she treated them with great respect, never treated them as second fiddle, got to know each one individually, would put boundaries on them (but more times than not boundaries on me as she had to speak up for them a lot), and I feel she really saw me as a person. She didn’t do that crap in which you never know if they are married or not, have kids, etc. Third, she is highly adaptable. She always meets me where I am at. I’ve been to therapists who feel it is their mission to accomplish something during every session. That said, yes, I move slowly in treatment. She lets me do that. She doesn’t get frustrated with that. There was one time in which I did feel that she was pushing, but I told her, “I just started to be out all of the time. I have to figure out how to do that.” She totally respected that and she even apologized. So, she also doesn’t push me to process. The pushing to move forward typically comes from the others actually. Fourth, she has worked with all ages. From very young children to the elderly. So, she knows exactly how to meet them on their developmental level. So, when they were out in session, she was able to work with them. Play or whatever they did. Fifth, she was able to use my strengths (imagery, being stubborn) to be able to really get me to deal with stressful situations and the spirals when everything was falling apart. This said, she was pretty available to me. We had many hour long phone sessions in which she got us unstuck from each other which helped it to get better.
Yes, she has done some EMDR with me (which helped a lot for me), resource installation, Mindfulness, she tried EFT (didn’t work), and various other ‘treatments’ for trauma. I know that she reads Van der Hart, Nijenhuis, and Steele as well as Dan Siegel. However, she has never said she is an expert. She treats a lot of trauma and I know she has other clients who have DID and that the dissociation hospital in LA refers people to her (she never told me this though). She will actually say, everybody is different. You can’t treat anyone in the same way. Especially people who have DID. Yes, it is trial and error, but she adapts. I don’t expect things to work every time. Heck, I don’t expect my computer to always work the same way for me (even though it should as it is programmed). The human brain is complex as are people. My therapist always tries to give me information I want to know, but it does get to a point in which she has to say, nobody knows. Then, we have to rely off of my experience going through the process. But, I always know she is with me along the way. I guess I had to get to that place too and learn to deal with the ambiguity. It sucks. But, I would encourage people to find a therapist that they connect to (as well as their others) and who is able and willing to be open, relaxed, maybe knows about complex trauma, and has those qualities I listed above. Luckily, I live in LA (and am stuck here only because I know if I move, it will be hell attempting to find another therapist) and in the land of overabundance of therapists and all of these qualities are rare. She isn’t perfect but good enough.
Your blog is great by the way!